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| I'm really hoping that no one i know reads this. And I really actually know that no one remembers or even cares about this site of mine any more so what the hell.
Just a few moments ago, I cried the most I have ever cried in my life. And well, now i just don't want to go anywhere, look at anything or do anything..I don't even want to talk or think about it too much cos I'm so afraid of having a break down. But the weirdest thing is, I chose this. This was my decision. My making. I hope that everything falls into place.. like it usually does. But what if it doesn't? What if I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.. Because it does sure feel like it..
My greatest fear is.. regret.
"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.." But have you ever stopped and just said to yourself.. "I could have made it "meant to be". I could have.."Do you really believe in fate? Do I?
I'm totally lost..
All I know is that God has a plan.
Please, Lord God.
I feel so guilty for only calling on to you when I am in need, or when I am troubled. But please don't let this be a reason for me to be discouraged.
Oh what a day..
Oh, and i have a humongous pimple on my nose which has yet to get bigger due to my failed attempt of popping it.
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| okay, so guess what lovers?
i have a new blog haha.
yes, finally i have a blogger. i read something earlier about xanga vs blogger.
they said that xanga is usually for teenage gurls who think TyPinG LikE ThIs Is CoOL hahaha
yeah really cracked me up. they said that xanga is good for people who have alot friends who are in xanga. haha i dont have much. anyways, il still use xanga when i get bored of ma other layout hehe. cos blogger skins are so permanent. ohwell, mine is pretty black and white and no color whatsoever. hope i dont get bored of it. Its supose to portray ma deeper side. haha ;p anyways, till the next :)
www.axmadnessxmostxdiscreet.blogspot.com
check it oud ;) hehehe.
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| hello haha.
um, so the feeling is over and done. the last entry was rather harsh indeed.
so yeah, it was just what i was feeling at the time.
but i dont think i feel the same way anymore
hehe
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| shes that someone who i just dont want to be around. why? because she just brings out all the wrong me.
she isn't perfect, and i don't wanna be anything like her. she is not my hero never has never will. she cant admit she is wrong. and when she attempts to its just for self pity and attention. shes such a hypocrite but everyones on her side. she expects too much and is never fair. she complains and complains even when you do something right she will see the worst of it. she is attracted to my faults and uses them to bring me down. she never keeps her promise.
i just don't wanna have anything to do with her.
i try my best to avoid her at any cost and i hate her company.
id rather be alone.
oh mother, open your eyes for a second and you'll see how much you have neglected this child.
All i wanted was some comfort,
some time,
someone to turn to.
but screw it all. im done.
youre no longer the one i come home to.
youre no longer there.
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| i worry, i throw my fear around.
but this morning, there's a calm i cant explain
the rock candys melted only diamonds now remain
but by the time i recognise this moment,
this moment will be gone.
so i will bend the lines pretending,
that it some how lingered on.
cos dont it all just seem to go that
you dont know what you got, till its gone.
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