blackdresses__x's Xanga

A Date To Remember

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:26:26 GMT

I'm really hoping that no one i know reads this. And I really actually know that no one remembers or even cares about this site of mine any more so what the hell.

Just a few moments ago, I cried the most I have ever cried in my life. And well, now i just don't want to go anywhere, look at anything or do anything..I don't even want to talk or think about it too much cos I'm so afraid of having a break down. But the weirdest thing is, I chose this. This was my decision. My making. I hope that everything falls into place.. like it usually does. But what if it doesn't? What if I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.. Because it does sure feel like it..

My greatest fear is.. regret.
"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.." But have you ever stopped and just said to yourself.. "I could have made it "meant to be". I could have.."Do you really believe in fate? Do I?
I'm totally lost..

All I know is that God has a plan.
Please, Lord God.
I feel so guilty for only calling on to you when I am in need, or when I am troubled. But please don't let this be a reason for me to be discouraged.
Oh what a day..

Oh, and i have a humongous pimple on my nose which has yet to get bigger due to my failed attempt of popping it.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 16:12:29 GMT

okay, so guess what lovers?
i have a new blog haha.
yes, finally i have a blogger. i read something earlier about xanga vs blogger.
they said that xanga is usually for teenage gurls who think TyPinG LikE ThIs Is CoOL hahaha
yeah really cracked me up. they said that xanga is good for people who have alot friends who are in xanga. haha i dont have much. anyways, il still use xanga when i get bored of ma other layout hehe. cos blogger skins are so permanent. ohwell, mine is pretty black and white and no color whatsoever. hope i dont get bored of it. Its supose to portray ma deeper side. haha ;p anyways, till the next :)

www.axmadnessxmostxdiscreet.blogspot.com

check it oud ;) hehehe.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 06:08:16 GMT

hello haha.
um, so the feeling is over and done. the last entry was rather harsh indeed.
so yeah, it was just what i was feeling at the time.
but i dont think i feel the same way anymore
hehe

im fed up with all this shit.

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 08:00:30 GMT

shes that someone who i just dont want to be around. why? because she just brings out all the wrong me.
she isn't perfect, and i don't wanna be anything like her. she is not my hero never has never will. she cant admit she is wrong. and when she attempts to its just for self pity and attention. shes such a hypocrite but everyones on her side. she expects too much and is never fair. she complains and complains even when you do something right she will see the worst of it. she is attracted to my faults and uses them to bring me down. she never keeps her promise.
i just don't wanna have anything to do with her.
i try my best to avoid her at any cost and i hate her company.
id rather be alone.

oh mother, open your eyes for a second and you'll see how much you have neglected this child.
All i wanted was some comfort,
some time,
someone to turn to.
but screw it all. im done.
youre no longer the one i come home to.
youre no longer there.

i worry, i weigh three times my body.

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 06:09:24 GMT

i worry, i throw my fear around.
but this morning, there's a calm i cant explain
the rock candys melted only diamonds now remain

but by the time i recognise this moment,
this moment will be gone.
so i will bend the lines pretending,
that it some how lingered on.

cos dont it all just seem to go that
you dont know what you got, till its gone.

prefects camp

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 13:01:42 GMT

so today was funn :) i mean, i know it might sound nerdy and all but yeah, i had a awesome time. i mean being a prefect isnt a bad thing at all. hehe its an "honor" hahaha anyways here a quick preview of what we did today

1. lecture about leadership
it was educational and shit haha but yeah, at least i got to sit on ma kepster table and play a little game of connect the fist name of the tennis player to the the last name. haha. and i scribbled some stuff on his desk. hope he doesnt get mad ;p

2. visit from the eagle scouts
so basically we had some boy scout men talk to us haha. but that wasnt the fun part. the fun part was learning and practicing CPR hahaha yeah, u know we got to do it to this chick named Annie, hot blonde wakakkaa.
naw im just messing with you, it was a dummie. haha but her name was annie

3. Games and Cooking competition
so yeah, i wont talk abt the games cos games are games, but yeah they were fun. hmm next time we gonna do captain flag or something hhehe.. but yeah abt the cooking. dude! we were the bomb man! hahaha my group was like, pro hahahaha. we cooked tempura ;p hehehe and made some sashimi and sushi thing hahaha. it was dayum dayum fun! first i was like dayum i have no idea how this is gonna end up like. hahah. but then yeah! woooh they liked it! it was all eaten up in like 2 mins. personally i think its cos the people were so dayum hungry haha but yeha, felt good.

aniwais, im doing ayt. next week is gonna be ma break and i dnt have that much plans. well basically, i wana hang oud with me kepster, celebrate ma bday dinner with ma family (since it has been postponed countless times already), skate and celebrate with friends, get ma eyebrows threaded, shop for clothes, make oatmeal cookies, read my bio book cos im soo behind, eat cotton candy, watch heros, buy earings, maybe get me ear peirced again, practice guitar, clean my room, do some sports ( hahaha i played tennis on wed! comon! hahah that was like ma only exercise this year besides PE damnit) and all types of madness. wooh, i jst realised just how impossible this will be. ohwell.

but yeah, i wanna sleep. its been a while since ive slept alot. maybe cos kepin can only talk on the phone afetr 10 adn we'd be talkn for hours. i love it :) hehehe.. but i wish i ddnt have to wake up so early in the morning. next weeks gonna go by fast. and then back to the drag.

dude, Kat ate ma gummy worm and licked it and shit and let me eat it. so in return i licked her from her elbow to her arm hahaha. sisterly love ;)

i had lychee pudding just now. the best ever yo! wooooh! lychee is ma ecstacy haha.dayum i have like no pics of me now haha i dont dare ;p i mean i bot a new hp and the cameras are brilliant but i look so fat and yeah, i havent been looking pretty these days hahahaha ;p i havent been wearing eyeliner either hehe like only when i have to but yeah. i feel alright and i guess thats good ryt? i wanna take pics tho hehe. soon! time to exercise damnit!

these are the pics i wanted to post up since ever haha. so yeah tho it has nothing to do with ma blog entry i post em up anyway hehe

this is actually a pic from last year, hehe
but yeah for all you non pinoys out there, this is ma national costume. pinoy pride all the way :)
my sister and i

field trip 2007
taste like heaven

i wanna stay with him forever. u might think im crazy or im too young, but i dont give a damn.
i know we can do it :)
for once it feels real.

oh shit oh shitt!

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:04:04 GMT

okay, so like iw as looking for myspace layputs right? and i mean my lent promise was not opening myspace! but then when i clicked on it! it opened my space! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! that cant count ryt? not fair! i ddnt open it! shit

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 12:50:26 GMT

this is simply pathetic

i cant upload any pictures
i have a math proposal due tom
and im just practically wasting my time
gosh..
ohwell.

but today wasnt all bad actually,
i got to spend time my oh so awesome boyfirend haha hmm, it was simple, but id say it was the best part of the day ;) hehehe. we basically just had a lunch in the canteen after school eating ramen hahaha. and we just talked and laughed and shared stories. hes like, basically my closest friend now. i can talk to him about everything. and im just so thankful for him.dnt know what id do without him =)

we talked abt the future, about next year. and it just made me wana cry. i mean, i couldnt even bear the distance for a month when i was in the phils.. i dont wnna think abt it ever again. i guess il just take it when it comes.
hope it wont. i just wanna be with him forever.
its not toomuch to ask

besides that, im getting addicted to fashion house hahaha.i honestly just love michelles clothes hehe. oh and i want doolittle to win IDOL ;)

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 10:25:35 GMT

ohgosh.
how can i be so selfish?
all i wanted was an apology.
i ddnt mean to be so cruel and not understanding..
i ddnt want the attention.
my sister is now on the awy to the hospital.
shes sick, really sick.
my mom was crying to me, telling me she ddnt wanna tell her how sick she was..
she was crying.
i feel soo bad now :'(

birthdays are soo overrated.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 09:04:45 GMT

today was a good day hehe. i got awesome grades for ma eng oral that i sepnt 4 days on eventhough she gave us like a month! haha.. me and ma bro got 20/20! hehe well, for the oral atleast :) ohwell, ma hard copy cant be that bad either i mean, unless i ahve like grammer mistakes. SHYTS! which i jst realised that i might have alot since its like a 1900 word project! argh! ohwell, what can u do..

so yeah i just got a phone call from dad like 5 seconds ago, and gues what? ma fmily is gonna postpone ma bday dinner. FOR THE SECOND TIME! and why? KRISTA. i mean, now its really hard to not take it personally. i mean, first, she gets sick on my birthday! and at first im like, okay , im not mad but then the forst thing she says when she actually opens her mouth is "katricia get ur stuff off my table!" and starts muttering.. aaaah! i mean, she doesnt even change when shes sick! GOSH! and now i dont have pulsa cos she said shes gonna buy me that for ma bday presnt and im broke urgh so im like waiting for that! and we cant go out again today cos shes STILL sick! fung.

aniwais, looking fro layouts is such a waste of time! gr. esp friendster ones. i looked for myspace layouts, but then i stopped cos it might be against me lent promise :s btw. my intenet is working :d hahaha cos it hasnt been for the past 2 weeks. daaaang. today i felt like a nerd, cos iwas the only one in ma class who was ready to present my eng project :p it was abt skating btw. and it aws the bomb hahahahaha. it was ayt. well yeah, the class looked so nored while i was standing there blabbing my way thru about skating and dadada. cos i do have alot to say! infact i think i have alot to say abt everything now days! heheh. i realised ma blog entries are getting longer and longer. hahah. ohwell :D
gosh, i was looking through peoples blogg and no ones been updating! i feel like such a loser. hahaha. but they blocked xanga in school anyways so i have nothing to do but actually listen to the teacher. :D yeash. my grades can improve!

so, im supose to buy my hp TODAY! but i dono if its gonna happen anyway! cos SOMEONE is sick again. aaaah. im practially repeating everything. anyways, guess what. it was no surprise that on my bday, i cried. go figure. i dont know. it was the little things that hurt i guess. i dont wanna talk abt it. i wanna upload a random photo. my blogg looks like ma eng prohect. nothing but never ending words. haha. its five pm. i wanna sleep. but i feel sticky, so il shower first. yuck, i really do feel sticky!

oh and btw, im still loving kep like mad :D stilstilstil! and always willl :D (lets rhyme)
okay, ima wating for the pic to load.. takes long man! aniwais, i wanna start playing a sport next week hahaha, cos im getting so fat! really! like mad! woooooooooooooh! i mean im not one of em ppl who are so consious of their weight, but im not one of em ppl who dont care at all! and im not one of em ppl who stay thin AT ALL! hahaha. im getting fat! but i dont wanna be fat, cos i was before :p ehehhe..urgh, and when i found out there was a thing called a TAF club, i thot that was really mean. gosh. aniwais, now u can see how my mind doesnt really go that deep.

btw, ive been having weird weird dreams lately.. but they dont mean anything ryt? but yeah, they are all jst so random. but now i cant seem to remember any! haha.

okay i give up, i wanna shower, il post pic some other time. hahaha.
:)